What Might Have Been

A friend of mine said recently that the most painful, most difficult, and scariest thing we will ever have to face is "the man we might have been"...

This statement was like a punch in the stomach!

It goes along with the poem by John Greenleaf Whittier:
"For all sad words of tongue and pen, The saddest are these, 'It might have been'."

What might have been if I had only made different decisions in my life? It is a scary thought to realize that someday, many years from now I will look back at those painful and critical "crossroads moments" in my life, and have to face the reality of the person I was then, and the life-long consequences of the decisions I made.

Out there, 20 years from now, the man I might have been - the man I dreamed of being - the one my children needed, and the one for whom my loved ones pleaded will look back at me in the mirror, and I will have to face him... to face them.

It is in those moments, like it or not - I'll be accountable only to myself for the tragedies I experienced and my reactions to those tragedies... and will have to ask myself "How would my life have been different, if only I would have ________________________ (fill in the blank). Who would I be? Would I be happier? What might have been if I would have chosen differently?

In this spirit I am trying with everything I have to face myself in the mirror NOW, and every day along the way... and make the decisions necessary so that in 20 years I can be better than I ever hoped.

This is not easy. In fact it continues to prove to be the greatest test I have ever encountered. This is so painful to face. It seems that recently I wonder every day if there is enough inside of me to make it, to go the distance. I plead for strength beyond my own.

The most incredible thing that I have found: There IS strength beyond my own... and it is the source of my hope that someday I will face the man that might have been, and be victorious!