Starting Over = Never Give Up!

In my life, I like to have a plan. Hmm... I propose that we start with A, B, C... then we move on to D, E, F, and G. As we continue things will progress through from H, all the way until we get to X, Y, and Z.

Having the plan interrupted - or feeling like the plan is interrupted can be very difficult.

I can remember putting a puzzle together with my daughter C, and my son T messing up a couple of pieces... my daughter felt so frustrated she was ready to break apart the entire puzzle and quit. She cried, "Dad! Now T messed up my puzzle I have to start all over!" She was very upset, and in that moment, "Starting Over" was the worst thing imaginable for her.

"Starting Over" as a feeling is very difficult to deal with, even for adults. My life doesn't look anything like the way I desperately want it to right now, and it is tough to admit that it is my own fault. I pray every day so hard for strength and courage to do the things necessary to help it look different than it does for the sake of my wife, my children, and so many others who are facing challenges right along with me. Making these changes and improvements takes a lot of time, and I haven't been the most patient person. Having to wait makes the feeling of "Starting Over" that much harder.

Today something happened that was very difficult for me, and I felt devastated. I felt so discouraged that similar to my daughter trying to put the puzzle back together, I felt like giving up. I blew it up and out of proportion... and much like my daughter, I was upset because I felt that I was going to have to start all over on a process that for me has been the single most difficult process in my life. In my own life, I get so scared! I don't want to start over! I want to have my life... "the puzzle" be back the way it was!!!

As a father, it is easy to look at my daughter's puzzle, and explain that "Starting Over" might simply mean "Starting From Here"... and showing her that she can take the pieces that my son messed up, and spend the time putting them back where they go.

When a day like today comes, I can feel almost crushed under the weight of having to start over. Fears that maybe I won't make it, maybe the puzzle will never come together, maybe there is no way I can do it on my own... all of this make me so afraid that a part of me wants to quit... but I don't even know what quitting would look like? (For my daughter it meant messing up the rest of the puzzle, and refusing to continue to put it back together, and running upstairs to her room).

I guess for today, Starting Over for me means to get down on my knees, pray for the courage to be better, and to "Start from here" putting the pieces together that I can... and hoping that somehow as I keep going, and never give up, the rest of the pieces will start to make sense.

In that way, I am so grateful for the strength to "Start Over" today... or to say it better - to "Start From Here". My prayer... and the only comfort I can find is that if I trust in Him, he will help me to become so much better than I ever could have been on my own, and that the finished product of my life will be more beautiful than it ever could have been if I had not chosen to Start Over, and Never Give Up.